Monday, May 30, 2005

T-otally A-bsurd G-ayness

Nothing like being tagged and taggin' to liven a Monday afternoon! Here's how it works: Below is a list of different occupations. You must select at least five of them. You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select five of the items as it was passed to you). Of the five you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession. Then pass it on to three other bloggers.

Here's that list:

If I could be a scientist... If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician... If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter... If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary... If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect... If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist... If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete... If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper... If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer... If I could be a backup dancer...
If I could be a llama-rider... If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be a midget stripper... If I could be a proctologist...
If I could be a TV-Chat Show host... If I could be an actor...
If I could be a judge... If I could be a Jedi...
If I could be a mob boss... If I could be a backup singer...
If I could be a CEO... If I could be a movie reviewer...
If I could be a monkey's uncle... If I could be a writer...
If I could be a bible archaeologist... If I could be an Ah Beng...
If I could be an Elvis impersonator... If I could be an Ah Lian...
If I could be a sexologist... If I could be a prostitute...
If I could be a Malaysian Idol... If I could be a woman for a day...

If I could be a missionary... I would make sure my 'position' is well-respected by many.

If I could be a llama-rider...I would ride bareback with the Nepalese cuties.

If I could be a judge...I would show Michael Jackson how 'well' (endowed) blacks are and have them create a tunnel up his sorry paedophilic arse.

If I could be an Ah Beng...I would take all the fucked-up notices stuck on the walls and post them on a sex site.

If I could be a tagged...I would most probably wanna be the Tesco Digestive Cookies I love so much!

People I have thrown into totally absurd gayness includes Friar Tuck, KC and Fedro!

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Booze & boost

Clubbing use to be about a group of friends coming out with the sole purpose of being 'seen and be seen'. It was back in the days when my wallet does not carry anything above 2-3 red notes, it was sad yeah but I was contented. We would enter the club early (say around 9) to avoid cover charge and choose the best spot possible in the non-bottle area, order a beer and take great pains to sip no matter how much we feel like gobbling it down. We would then proceed to jiggle our butts and minimize conversation for fear that it will parch our throats too quickly, coz we know we can't afford a second helping. But we end up having a good time... trust the good music to send you on a natural high.


Clubbing revolves around booze, booze and more booze. I cannot even imagine going into a club without enough liquor to keep me bouncing through the night. A good example will be last Friday night, I went to the Stuff anniversary party with Penny and Jase expecting a decent night. Having to queue with kiasu suits notwithstanding, we got up to the VIP Lounge only to realize that the free flow has been depleted after just 1 hour. WTF, I was thirsty like hell and the music seems like nothing but dull throbs in my head. There, things went downhill and my attention span dwindled. Pierre and Yee Ling were talking to me on top of the music and all I could afford were half-hearted smiles to 'layan' the conversation. i excused myself and went down only to find equally bored Az and Agnes looking at me. So we left!

We went to Mydina in Jalan Pinang for a drink and were kept entertained to funny antics by Jase's pals, Han and Kiat. Han has got that look that will make any chick go 'eeeee, so cute!' and pet him on the head while he purrs in appreciation. Kiat on the other hand smokes his NEXT cigarettes and remains zipped, and as abrupt as his silence is, will crack a really funny joke that have us rolling on the floor. Oops got a little diverted sorry! Anyways we went to Red Box Low Yat after that and got this super huge room fit for 25 (there's only 6 of us). We ordered a few beers and after a few rounds were warm and mellow enough to dance to classics like Take My Breath Away. You can trust alcohol to keep the party flowing and in this case till 4. Haha... all these remind me of a line I saw back in the mIRC days on #happyhours, 'Live fast, die young and leave a good looking corpse'.

Friday, May 20, 2005

For 5 dou of grain

There comes a period of time when someone reaches a milestone in his life. An opportunity to move on and make a name for himself, this opportunity does not come daily and most people will probaby jump at the word go. But I didn't.

I have never felt such heavy emotional baggage on my shoulders before. Neither have I felt so unconfident of my own capabilities. I was weak, frail, timid almost and the phobia for the unknown sent a shudder down my spine. It was like the days when I drove in KL for my virgin job, I was unfamiliar with the road and simply tremble at the thought of going the wrong way. Because I know if I do, there's no turning back. I consulted a lot of people; Verne, Jim, my grandparents, parents and close friends... most of them gave a negative response. I tried to tell myself that I should make my own decisions while taking into consideration what others said. Nobody knows me like I do, I choose my path and what makes me or breaks me. It took me a while, it hogged my sleep... but I finally made up my mind to give it a shot albeit lingering shadows in the corners of my mind.

I brought up a few questions about my new role and even plucked up enough courage to request for a higher renumeration, confident that I would get a favourable reply... oh heck even if what I ask for was rejected, I will still go ahead and start a new chapter in my life. I waited...and waited and as I was fearing for the worse, she confirmed them.

It was 10 times more forbidding than I would have expected it to be. On the other end was not the genuine, visionary leader I thought her to be but a cold, sarcastic businesswoman protecting her own interests. She has already formed the conclusion that I was greedy, I was over-demanding and have no rights to bargain on top of what she is offering. I should feel lucky that she even offered me such a lucrative deal. I was torn, shattered and disheartened... she gave me 3 hours to stop asking questions and make a decision. Even then, I was strolling down the boulevard of broken dreams... salvaging whatever pride I have left and make a stand. As if Godsend, Esing's e-mail came and I found salvation; I should be self sufficient... for now!
At the very least, I stand proud and honorable. I respect others and earn the same in return...為了五斗米而折腰,值得嗎?

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Lights, sounds... myself

The lights above me, bulbs shine dim
My eyelids are closing, they shun all light
The printer is printing, ink flows free
Colleagues all around me, they bustle like bees

My hands are typing, brain thinks naught
A song is playing, just decibels without rythm
Footsteps shuffle and stride, hurried and composed
D'papers are crumbled, they go in draughts

My stomach is swollen, zhat fan's fault
Q and A posted, across cubicles they flock
D'whispers are common, work and cock
The tapping of keyboards, are you working or not?!

Crossroads of Life

This is just a little something I would like to share. I was at the crossroads of making an important decision and the article helped me make up my mind somehow. Hope you will find it useful too!
There was once a beggar with a broken right arm. With tattered clothes and the deficit, he was a sight for sore eyes and passer-bys usually end up donating coins out of pity. One day the beggar came to a farmer and begged for alms.
The farmer nodded and said 'Move these pile of bricks from the house to the barn and you will be amply rewarded.' Upon hearing this, the beggar retorted angrily, 'You clearly see my disability and yet still set a task as such for me, are you mocking me?'
Without saying anything, the farmer lifted the brick with his right hand and ferried it to the barn with ease. The farmer than came back and said, 'I used only 1 hand to carry that brick, if I can do it... why can't you?' The beggar went mum and without further complaints started moving the bricks one by one. After 2 hours of sweat, he finally completed the task.
The farmer handed him a towel and the beggar wiped the sweat trickling down his neck and forehead. Very soon the once white towel turned black. The farmer then gave him 20 dollars and the grateful beggar started thanking him profusely. The farmer said, 'Do not thank me, you've toiled and deserve the money.' The beggar was very touched and pleaded with the farmer to part with the towel so it can be kept as a memorabilia. The farmer consented and with this they parted ways.
After a few years, this beggar once again appeared at the doorsteps of the farm. This time, he was neatly groomed and wore the clothes befitting a perfect gentlemen. He held out his right hand, tightly grasping a stained towel. With tears welling, he said 'I was once a beggar, now I am the managing director of a company. You've showed me the importance of dignity and helped me rebuild my confidence. If it was not because of you, I might still be wandering the streets till now.'
The farmer simply replied , ' These are all the result of your hard work, I have no share in it.' The one-hand director offered the farmer a new house but the latter turned down the generous offer. The beggar was baffled with the rejection but the farmer smiled and explained,

'Because everyone in my family has got a pair of hands.'

Live life with dignity. Respect yourself, respect others and last but not least respect those whom you do not know as well.
Love your work! Only then will your life be empowered.
Pursue your passion, although you might not earn as much... but the fulfillment and satisfaction is 10 times more important than those who sold their souls to the devil for money. Your individuality alone deserves much respect!
A word of thanks to Esing for sending this article at the right time. :o)

Friday, May 06, 2005

Get-Penny-A-Boyfriend Campaign

One of my colleagues is getting married next Sunday and has decided to send out an email for attendance confirmation. Everyone inserted their names into the list and come my turn, I inserted 'Jimmy & Agnes'. After that, my fellow Octagonians started getting really creative...

1) Hon
2) Verne + Hannah Sarah Tan
3) Jimbo and Agnes
4) Saejunn
5) Boon & family
6) Choy yee & choy yee
7) Penny & Invisible man

After reading what Penny wrote, I can't help but shoot out this mail...

7) Penny & Invisible man --------------> highlights Penny's Desperation / Anguish / Deprivation

Dear All,

I would like to implore you to join the 'Get-Penny-A-Boyfriend' campaign! As you can see from the statement above, she has reached terminal stage where an imagined and hallucinatory boyfriend is formed by her subliminal being to fill up the empty void inside her lonely heart. So we need the help of kind samaritans like yourself to grab great bachelors and make our beloved Penny's invisible a livin' flesh and blood.

Thank you.

Jimmy Lim
Chairperson 'Get-Penny-A-Boyfriend' campaign

Haha! It was just for laffs but just in case any of you are wondering what Penny looks like, here it is!