Friday, May 20, 2005

For 5 dou of grain

There comes a period of time when someone reaches a milestone in his life. An opportunity to move on and make a name for himself, this opportunity does not come daily and most people will probaby jump at the word go. But I didn't.

I have never felt such heavy emotional baggage on my shoulders before. Neither have I felt so unconfident of my own capabilities. I was weak, frail, timid almost and the phobia for the unknown sent a shudder down my spine. It was like the days when I drove in KL for my virgin job, I was unfamiliar with the road and simply tremble at the thought of going the wrong way. Because I know if I do, there's no turning back. I consulted a lot of people; Verne, Jim, my grandparents, parents and close friends... most of them gave a negative response. I tried to tell myself that I should make my own decisions while taking into consideration what others said. Nobody knows me like I do, I choose my path and what makes me or breaks me. It took me a while, it hogged my sleep... but I finally made up my mind to give it a shot albeit lingering shadows in the corners of my mind.

I brought up a few questions about my new role and even plucked up enough courage to request for a higher renumeration, confident that I would get a favourable reply... oh heck even if what I ask for was rejected, I will still go ahead and start a new chapter in my life. I waited...and waited and as I was fearing for the worse, she confirmed them.

It was 10 times more forbidding than I would have expected it to be. On the other end was not the genuine, visionary leader I thought her to be but a cold, sarcastic businesswoman protecting her own interests. She has already formed the conclusion that I was greedy, I was over-demanding and have no rights to bargain on top of what she is offering. I should feel lucky that she even offered me such a lucrative deal. I was torn, shattered and disheartened... she gave me 3 hours to stop asking questions and make a decision. Even then, I was strolling down the boulevard of broken dreams... salvaging whatever pride I have left and make a stand. As if Godsend, Esing's e-mail came and I found salvation; I should be self sufficient... for now!
At the very least, I stand proud and honorable. I respect others and earn the same in return...為了五斗米而折腰,值得嗎?

3 個吹水的人:

At 5:52 PM, Blogger Vernon said...

don't be so hard on yourself, mate. life is about choices. and it happens for a reason. good or bad, just move on from it. no point dwelling. there will be other offers and opportunities for bigger things in the future.

keep an open heart and mind, always.

:D cheers!

At 1:35 AM, Blogger Lancelot95 said...

whatever you are doing, I am sure you will make the most out of it.

Life experiences can be bitter, just make sure you learn something out of it.

At 2:33 PM, Blogger Vernon said...

You have been tagged!


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